I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
