I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
