She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize