he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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