well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
