I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
