question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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