I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
