dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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