i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
