Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
