I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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