I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
