I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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