Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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