Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
