Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
