eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
