ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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