Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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