i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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