Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i've created a new STD.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
