nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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