I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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