So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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