I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
