I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
