I'm so fucking centered right now
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
