Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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