Do you still have your period?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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