also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize