There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
