and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
