It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
