At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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