i just google imaged poop.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize