I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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