My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So many bounce houses so little time
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize