I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
pray to the hookup gods
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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