well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize