Buhtt sex?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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