I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
