you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
