dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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