Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
