Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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