Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
