whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
