WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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