I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Found your dick twin last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
