Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
