i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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