why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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