I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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