So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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