i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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