I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
