The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
