hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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