I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
