I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
