Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
