saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The adults are the big ones right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
