I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
