I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
