I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
