I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
